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Normisms

normexcited.gif

In chronological order:

No Help Wanted:

    Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
    Norm:  No, I know what they look like.  Just pour me one.

    Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
    Norm:  Hey I'm high on life, Coach.  Of course, beer is my life.


Fortune and Men's Weights:

    Coach: How's a beer sound, Norm?
    Norm:  I dunno.  I usually finish them before they get a word in.

    Coach: What's up, Norm?
    Norm:  Corners of my mouth, Coach.

Snow Job:

    Coach:  What's shaking, Norm?
    Norm:   All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.

    Coach:  Beer, Normie?
    Norm:   Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week.
            Eh, why not, I'm still young.

Norman's Conquest:

    Coach:  Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
    Norm:   With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe.

I'll Be Seeing You (Part 2)

    Coach:  What's up, Normie?
    Norm:   The temperature under my collar, Coach.

Diane Meets Mom:

    Coach:  What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
    Norm:   Going down?

    Coach:  What's up, Norm?
    Norm:   Everything that's supposed to be.

Peterson Crusoe:

    Norm comes in, depressed.  He just stands by the door with a sullen face.
    Norm:   [mutters] Afternoon, everybody.
    All:    Norm?  (Norman?)

The Heart is a Lonely Snipehunter:

    Sam:  What's new, Normie?
    Norm: Terrorists, Sam.  They've taken over my stomach.
          They're demanding beer.

King of the Hill:

    Coach: What'll it be, Normie?
    Norm:  Just the usual Coach.  I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.

The Mail Goes to Jail:

    Coach: What would you say to a beer, Normie?
    Norm:  Daddy wuvs you.

Behind Every Great Man:

    Sam:  What'd you like, Normie?
    Norm: A reason to live.  Gimme another beer.

    Norm:  Afternoon, everybody.
    All:   Norm!
    Cliff: Afternoon, everybody.
    All:   [silence]


The Executive's Executioner:

    Sam:  What will you have, Norm?
    Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy.  I'll take a glass of whatever
          comes out of that tap.
    Sam:  Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
    Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.

Birth, Death, Love and Rice:

    Sam:  What do you say, Norm?
    Norm: Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer.

Woody Goes Belly Up:

    Sam:  What do you say to a beer, Normie?
    Norm: Hiya, sailor.  New in town?

Diane's Nightmare:

    Norm: [coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.
    All:  Norm!  (Norman!)
    Sam:  Still pouring, Norm?
    Norm: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.

I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday:

    Sam:   What's the good word, Norm?
    Norm:  Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
    Sam:   Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer...
    Norm:  Yeah, yeah, yeah...
    Sam:   One heartburn cocktail coming up.

Love Thy Neighbor:

    Sam:   Whaddya say, Norm?
    Norm:  Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink.  And down it goes.

The Bar Stoolie:

    Woody:  What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:   Boxer shorts and loose shoes.  But I'll settle for a beer.

Tan 'n Wash:

    Paul:  Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?
    Norm:  Like a baby treats a diaper.

    Norm:  Hey, everybody.
    All:   [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich]
    Norm:  [carries on both sides of the conversation himself]
           Norm!   (Norman.)
           How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?
           Rich and thirsty.  Pour me a beer.


Home is the Sailor: [the bar is completely different, since Sam went
                     sailing around the world and sold the bar]

    Norm:  Hey, everybody.
    Woody: Norm!  [nobody else in the bar says anything]
    Norm:  That's it, I'm leaving.

    Norm:     [comes in, pretending to be Joe Average customer,
               as part of operation Wayne Down the Dwain]
    Customer: Norm!
    Norm:     [quietly] Not now!

Little Carla, Happy at Last, Part 2:

    Woody:  Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:   No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.

A Kiss is Still a Kiss:

    Sam:  How's life treating you?
    Norm: It's not, Sammy, but you can!

Let Sleeping Drakes Lie:

    Woody:  Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:   A little early, isn't it Woody?
    Woody:  For a beer?
    Norm:   No, for stupid questions.

Airport V:

    Woody:  What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:   The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery.
            Let's cut to the happy ending.

One Happy Chappy in a Snappy Serape, Part 2:

    Pepe:  [something in Spanish]

Bar Wars II: The Woodman Strikes Back:

    Woody:  Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
    Norm:   I know, and if she calls, I'm not here.

Don't Paint Your Chickens:

    Sam:  Beer, Norm?
    Norm: Have I gotten that predictable?  Good.

Call Me, Irresponsible

    Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  A flashing sign in my gut that says, ``Insert beer here.''

Feeble Attraction:

    Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
    Norm:  Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?

It's a Wonderful Wife:

    Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  Another layer for the winter, Wood.

---

Not yet categorized:

Article 30367 of rec.arts.tv:
From: fam26639@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Gangster)
Date: 21 Dec 90 18:16:30 GMT

Q:  Whatcha up to Norm?  (said by Sam)
A:  My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.

"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its' wife."

"Women.  Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts."

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

"How's life in the fast lane?"
"Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson."
"Alright, but stop me at one.... make that one-thirty."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear!"

"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

"How about a beer, Norm?"
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"

"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson. A beer please, Woody."

"What's up, Normie?"
"My nipples, it's freezing out there."


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